


So Familiar a Gleam

by jaclynhyde



Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Catfishing, Denial, F/M, Falling In Love, Hopeful Ending, Identity Porn, M/M, Slow Burn, part 1 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:07:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21827203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaclynhyde/pseuds/jaclynhyde
Summary: Every night, Romani Archaman dreamed of the end of the world.Even worse, sometimes Merlin came to visit.
Relationships: Romani Archaman/Magi☆Mari, Romani Archaman/Merlin | Caster
Comments: 29
Kudos: 198
Collections: Yuletide 2019





	So Familiar a Gleam

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NanakiBH](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/gifts).



> I hope you have a wonderful Yuletide, NanakiBH--I had so much fun writing this! Thank you to my incomparable beta vanishinghitchhiker for all her help (including Roman's username), and also to Caster Gilgamesh's interlude for making four hours of dream sex canon.

Romani Archaman dreamed, and watched the destruction of humanity.

Even after weeks of the same dream, weeks after losing his clairvoyance, he half-expected the vision to continue. He'd walk down the ruined street, ash in his braid and burns on his bare feet, and see what it was that caused this. He'd feel the shivering sparks through his magic circuits as an omnipresent voice told him how to fix it.

But he'd given that all up. It was Romani Archaman who was alone, and scared, and free.

There were times he realized he was dreaming, at least. He still _wanted_ to run away as fast as he could, but he could search for clues he might have missed. In theory, anyway. All he'd found so far, though, was extinction. Every night, he opened his eyes in Fuyuki—or what used to be Fuyuki—but he knew that he would see the same hellish landscape anywhere else on Earth.

Around him, buildings crumbled, roads cracked, everything made by man died—yet he could find no corpses, no sign of the billions of lives that had been snuffed out. Only afterimages of grasping hands in every shadow, desperate for salvation. Wherever he breathed, there was the overpowering smell of smoke, metal and stone and civilization burning. His face stung from the wind whipping cinders and petals against it, his skin from the...

Wait. Petals?

The dream had never changed, not for all the nights he'd been alive. It definitely shouldn't have included the sweet scent of flowers. But now, a patch of pink flowers sprang right through the asphalt, vibrant and alive. And standing in the middle was a man in ornate white robes, untouched by flame.

The man, noticing his stare, raised a hand and smiled brightly. "Oh, don't mind me. Carry on."

Roman wanted to punch him.

"Who are you?" None of the possibilities were good. If it was a mage...well, he could run. Not that it would do him much good if someone wanted to kill him in his sleep, but at least he wouldn't have to _see_ it.

"You don't remember me? But I'm so difficult to forget!" the man said, putting a hand to his heart.

...he might be a Servant. He couldn't punch him. He couldn't punch him. "Nope! Pretty sure I'd remember if I met you before, haha!"

"Come to think of it..." He walked towards Roman, flowers following his footsteps. "It's no surprise you never noticed me. You didn't sleep very much at all during the Grail War, did you?"

Oh, _crap_. "Who the hell _are_ you?" He—he'd _just_ become human, he couldn't lose that before he even had a chance—

"Merlin, Mage of Flowers." He held out his arms, as if expecting applause that was most certainly not coming. "And a fellow clairvoyant! It's a pleasure to finally meet you, now that you've become interesting."

There was so much to say in response that Roman went with the first thing that popped into his head. "I'm not clairvoyant."

"Not anymore, hmm? So this was one to grow on?" Hand over his eyes, Merlin squinted at the rubble and the burning sky. "My, that doesn't look good."

"Yeah, thanks, I hadn't noticed!" Scrubbing ash and sweat out of his eyes, Roman tried to remember what he knew about Merlin. He was on the Round Table, right? And not one of the ones who had caused the fall of Camelot, so probably not evil. Okay, might as well tell him. "It's the end of humanity."

"Oh, that _isn't_ good."

"I'm trying to stop it," Roman explained.

"Yes, yes, very noble of you," Merlin said.

He was beginning to regret saying anything. "Are you going to _help_?"

"So sorry, I can't. Trapped in my tower, you see. I'll be cheering you on, though!" He gave him a merry smile. Roman did not return it. "Besides, that should be left to humanity itself, hmm?" He tapped the point of his ear, and Roman recalled another couple facts about Merlin: Incubus. Insufferable.

Roman forced himself to stop grinding his teeth. "...great. Can I go back to my nightmare now?"

"Tired already? Then I'll see you soon. Sweet dreams, Romani." Merlin walked off into the crumbling landscape, whistling an obnoxiously catchy tune as he went.

He'd already been planning how to prevent all of this, but now he had a new source of motivation: when he figured it out, maybe Merlin would go away.

* * *

It was the third time he'd edited his application essays, and his eyes were starting to ache—man, he really missed how easily words once flowed from him. He should get to sleep soon, but he could spare the time to read the briefing Marisbury had sent over on Merlin. Still alive, clairvoyance of the present only, half-incubus, doing jack shit throughout history besides annoying dreamers. Great.

Roman tried to spear a forkful of cake, only to find he'd eaten it all without even enjoying it. Merlin was the _worst._

Ugh. Even the Chaldea staff mailing list was better than this. It was helpful that Marisbury kept him in the loop before he could be hired officially, but for some reason Roman was always CC'd on discussions of, say, dimensions of the new bathrooms. At least this thread on new recruits might be interesting, he thought while absently clicking a link.

Only to end up on a sparkly website for some pop idol, peppy music autoplaying.

...well, someone pasted the wrong link! Heheh.

Ignoring the immediate "DO NOT OPEN LAST EMAIL!!" notification, Roman scrolled down the page. It was...adorable. The idol—Magi☆Mari—looked like she was having fun, and her blog posts were sweet, and he had to admit she was kind of cute. Maybe she reminded him of one of his wives? He couldn't put his finger on which one, though. Anyway, that song was really catchy. He'd better watch one of these concert videos before it was stuck in his head forever.

Oh no, this song was even catchier!

Several videos later, Roman's animated cursor hovered over a big, pink, glittery "☆SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE UPDATES☆" link.

This was ridiculous. Idols were for kids, right? (Neither the Grail nor his clairvoyance had told him the target demographics of internet idols, but it didn't seem like a doctor sort of thing, anyway.) It was silly, and kind of embarrassing, and—human.

Roman ducked his head, fighting a goofy grin, and clicked.

* * *

It was a miracle he got any sleep at all in med school—and it was only going to get worse once he was out in the field. And once he finished his studying, once the caffeine and...other substances finally wore off, the world burning around him as soon as he closed his eyes didn't help his stress levels any.

Those nights when Merlin showed up helped even less.

"Your imagination leaves something to be desired," said Merlin as he brushed an errant ember from his shoulder. It didn't even leave a mark on his pristine robes, because Merlin was an asshole. "Not that your dreams aren't nourishing, but I really would appreciate some variety. How about some good old stock nightmares? I recommend your anatomy test tomorrow, you really could have studied chapter six more—"

"I hate you," said Roman. "I really, really hate you." Turning on his heel, he walked away. So what if it was towards a scorching fire, it couldn't hurt him here.

Unfortunately, Merlin followed. "Oh! Am I the first person you've hated? How _are_ you finding your newfound humanity?"

Roman sped up. "Great! I…"

He'd attended a lecture on how to talk to grieving families, yesterday; he'd taken lots of notes, because if there was anyone left once his vision came to pass, he'd need to know that. He'd had pho for the first time this afternoon. He'd walked over to the restaurant, a little hole-in-the wall place, on a whim, just because the sun was shining brightly and no one was there to tell him to eat in the cafeteria like he usually did. He'd watched Magi☆Mari's latest music video tonight, and hummed the tune while he was studying, and sheepishly grinned at the classmates who snickered at him.

It was—he couldn't even describe it. Funny how he lost his talent for poetry now that there was so much he wanted to say.

They had slowed to a stop while he was mulling it over. And Merlin...Merlin was whistling a jaunty tune, looking entirely uninterested in his answer.

...say to someone who wasn't _him_.

"I love it! You could use some!"

Merlin laughed, shaking his head. "Oh, I've got quite as much humanity as I'd like. Emotions give me hives, you know."

"So wouldn't you have gotten along with me much better before?" For his part...well, he probably would have tolerated Merlin back then. Maybe talked shop about clairvoyance while humanity happened around them.

"Oh, no," Merlin replied. "You were terribly boring."

Roman woke up to find himself throttling his pillow.

* * *

Posting in the Magi☆Mari forums was a nightly ritual by now; no matter how busy he was, a few minutes just for himself would brighten his whole day. And, best of all, Magi☆Mari herself joined in on the discussion! Not just on the threads about her, but the off-topic ones, too. How many celebrities got that up close and personal with their fans? Not a lot, he'd bet!

_**kohelet2004:** I think I'm finally getting the hang of my job! I'm the head of medicine (!!!) It's classified though so no details :o It's a lot of work though...and there's not a lot to do for fun around here! And_

Roman's hands rested on the keyboard. He didn't know how long he had, here. Still a few more years before Marisbury would die, and he didn't know how long after that his vision would come to pass. There were dozens of staff there now with more to come, but none who knew just how little time they had. He knew who was great at blood draws, who really hated the cold, who had kids at home, but...was there even any point in getting to know them? In getting attached?

_I'm worried about making friends!_

It was easy to talk to Magi☆Mari, somehow. Not that he didn't have friends now, but they were just the 'go out for drinks' or 'complain about work' type of friends. Anything more than that, and they might ask about his home, or his family, or _himself_ , and that was just more and more lies to keep track of. And Marisbury…well, Marisbury had befriended a completely different person anyway.

But Magi☆Mari didn't ask anything about him (though it felt like she'd known him forever). She listened, and gave advice, and sometimes called him a loser. And Roman felt like...like just a fan, just a human, someone who could be teased and told the kind of things that he should already know.

_**Magi☆Mari:** Wow, Dr. kohelet2004! My fans are so smart☆ Just be yourself, and lots of your coworkers will like you! Be sure to tell them about my Virtual Concert Experience next month~ ♡ _

He wasn't blushing! He was just...warm. From his laptop. On his face. Anyway, he had to check how much streaming the Chaldea internet could handle at once.

_**Magi☆Mari:** P.S. If you're a doctor, shouldn't you know not to talk about a classified job? It'd be pretty dumb to get court-martialed so soon! ♡ _

Roman grinned. Awww, she cared!

* * *

Marisbury had known when he would die, down to the day. So had his Servant (just like he'd known when everyone in his life would die). So had Roman.

Marisbury had been prepared. So why wasn't he?

Roman didn't run from his vision, this time. He just sat down on the ground and thought of Marisbury, and the things he'd done with open eyes.

He didn't bother to look up at the sound of footsteps approaching. "Penny for your thoughts?" Merlin asked, mildly.

"Buzz off, Merlin. I don't need whatever crap you're going to say about emotions right now. I have them, okay?"

"I'm not here to make fun, Romani. I'm not a scumbag." He did look up at that, but Merlin ignored his skeptical expression. "You hardly need help making your dreams miserable." He waved his hand, a trail of blue sky fleetingly following his fingers.

"Then why are you here?"

"Hmm? Habit, I suppose." Merlin sat down next to him, a puff of flowers overwhelming the dust. "There's only so many people I can talk to without revealing secrets they shouldn't know. Then what kind of impartial observer would I be?"

So, Merlin _was_ getting something out of this besides laughing at him. And to Roman's dismay, he understood. His foresight used to be celebrated—the will of God, voice of their beloved King, and all that. Even so, he still remembered the faces of those who heard his words and were angry, or disbelieving, or scared. And every face was just a little more distance between himself and humanity.

He might have been lonely, if he'd known what that was.

Roman swallowed, and looked at the ground. "He was...a bad person."

"He was a mage," Merlin agreed.

"I can't forgive him for what he did to Mash."

"He didn't expect you to."

Roman looked at him, sharply. "You visited him too?"

"Rarely," Merlin said. "Mostly I watched."

"So you knew what he was doing?"

"Of course. I've seen far worse, done for far pettier reasons." Merlin raised a flower to his lips, blowing it high into the sky. "You would have done the same before."

Roman's eyes followed the flower, a point of delicate color holding back the gray before the wind whipped it away. "...yeah. If it were asked of me." He could never regret carrying out the commands of God, handed down for the good of His people. But Marisbury—Marisbury was only human. Was the pain of a few people worth it to give billions the chance to live? Maybe neither of them could truly judge that.

But Roman had been the one to look Mash in the eyes and tell her she was going to die.

Maybe it was only human to judge anyway.

Roman opened his eyes to find Merlin much closer, watching him intently.

"What are you—" And then the taste of salt hit his lips, and his words were lost in a sudden shaky breath. Oh. He was crying. For all of humanity, for every person who would burn and didn't deserve it. For Mash, who would defend them and die for it.

And for the first person who had smiled at Romani Archaman and called him a friend.

"It's healthy, I hear." Merlin settled back on his hands, looking at the sky. "Mourning."

With an irritated sigh, Roman wiped his eyes. "I don't need any therapy from you, either." Once in a while, though, Merlin was right.

And before his vision came to pass, he'd better get used to mourning.

* * *

Even once they came true, Romani's dreams didn't stop. Thanks to everything Marisbury had done, Chaldea survived, along with its dreamer. It was a victory, technically, but even Marisbury wouldn't consider Olga Marie an acceptable loss. Or maybe he would. Roman had kept him at a distance, too.

Well, dwelling on everyone they'd lost wouldn't help them save everyone they could. Thanks to Chaldea, thanks to Marisbury and Olga Marie and all the staff who had died, humanity had a chance. The few survivors would have to give it everything they had, but they could reverse it.

Which was why Roman felt kind of guilty holed up in his room eating cake instead of stabilizing the Rayshift. Yes, da Vinci had banned him from the Command Room and ordered him to sleep, but he outranked her! He could do some research instead. She wouldn't know.

...right after he watched a few Magi☆Mari videos. To remind himself of what they were fighting for! Yeah, that was it. Taking a bite (that new Archer Fujimaru had summoned sure was handy in the kitchen!), he clicked on his bookmark—

And was greeted with a new blog post.

Posted _today_.

For just a moment, Roman's heart swelled with impossible hope—it was all just a misunderstanding, he could hop on a plane and leave and the rest of the world would be there, the dream wasn't his clairvoyance after all—

Yeah. Hope. That was a pretty human thing, wasn't it? He could go right back to the command room and see the state of the world for himself. But still, _someone_ was updating Magi☆Mari's blog, and he'd definitely have noticed if Chaldea had hired an idol. Maybe there was a Singularity connected to the internet or something? What if she needed him to rescue her???

Cake forgotten, he quickly pulled up a comment box—no, this was serious, a _DM_.

_**kohelet2004:** Magi☆Mari, i'm glad you're okay! :o _

He stared at the screen, willing her to—a reply!

_**Magi☆Mari:** Oh, I'm not! I'm a suuuper-advanced AI built from every aspect of Magi☆Mari's personality! _

Oh. That was… Well, there were plenty of stories about AI indistinguishable from real people, weren't there? Roman typed another message, hitting send before he could think too hard about it.

_**kohelet2004:** Well, nice to meet you AI Magi☆Mari! Can i call you magi☆mArI?_

_**Magi☆Mari:** Don't be silly, I'm just Magi☆Mari! I'd never forget my biggest fan! Especially not after you became a doctor because of me♡ _

Even though he was alone, Roman covered his face to hide his ridiculous blush. She remembered him! An idol knew who he was! Even if she was an AI, then the original Magi☆Mari must have known, and—oh, it didn't even matter what she was, she made him happy.

_**kohelet2004:** Just tell me if you ever need a checkup! _

Should he...oh, why not!

_**kohelet2004:** ;)_

Oh, he still had it.

* * *

The second he opened his eyes, Roman regretted falling asleep.

"Seventy-two Demon Gods, hm?" Merlin asked.

And he'd rather be dealing with every single one of them than Merlin right now.

"It's impossible!" Roman paced, half to think and half to avoid looking at Merlin's stupid smug face. "Solomon _can't_ be summoned! And no one else can control the Demon Gods! There are probably plenty gangs of seventy-two demon gods. You know, copying the original?" Merlin made an infuriatingly noncommittal noise. "...besides, Flauros never used to be _that_ much of a jackass," Roman said sulkily.

"People change," Merlin said. "Demons too, I suppose. Theoretically."

With a long groan, Roman stalked off towards a ruined cafe. Sure, the outside seating might have been covered with ash, and kind of melted, but he was getting sick of sitting on the ground. "Can't you see anything?"

"I can tell you you're not destroying the world in your sleep." At Roman's look, he held up his hands placatingly. "I can only see the present, Romani. Wherever this King is, it isn't there."

Romani sat down with a sigh. "Big help you are."

"Oh, speaking of help!" Merlin snapped his fingers. "I had a gift for you. Here." Sitting down across from Roman, Merlin pulled out an odd package and handed it to him. Wrapped in...a leaf? Unfolding it revealed a piece of fluffy, golden cake.

Despite himself, Roman's mouth watered. "Cake? ...what will this help?"

"Your spirits," said Merlin. "Regards from Gilgamesh. The nicer one."

"There's a nice one?" Roman suspiciously poked at the cake before taking a bite—oh, wow. Wow. That was the best cake he'd ever eaten, and he'd had a lot of cake since becoming human. Maybe it was a dream thing? No way, he couldn't dream that taste.

"Nic _er_." Merlin casually reached for a morsel of cake, which Romani guarded with his life. His present! "I expect you'll meet him in person soon enough. Between you and me, I don't think he can keep himself out of a battle like this. Fate of the world, and all that."

Yeah. If nothing else, they'd be sure to find a lot of volunteers for the most important battle that could ever be fought. Especially if they got to test their mettle against the...King of Mages...

Guess some ash had gotten on the cake—that last bite was totally tasteless. Roman brushed off the rest of it, carefully, and put it down without taking another bite. "What if...what if this is my fault?"

Merlin was quiet for a long moment. "Then you fix it." And Roman was pitifully grateful that it didn't sound like a veiled insult, for once. If Merlin was even capable of being sincere, then he probably was now. He had to admit, it was nice to talk to someone else who understood. If Merlin could just be less...Merlin-y, once in a while, maybe they could be—

"In between idol concerts, that is," Merlin continued.

"Hey! Hey! I don't—my job comes first! It's just quiet sometimes and I'm still watching the vitals when—I don't have to explain myself to you!!"

"I don't blame you," Merlin said with an infuriatingly knowing smile. "She's charming, isn't she?"

" _YOU STAY AWAY FROM MAGI☆MARI,"_ Roman squawked.

"Of course! I would never stand between her and her biggest fan." Before Roman could even open his mouth, Merlin threw up an extremely Magi☆Mariesque peace sign—he could swear it audibly _gleamed_ —and disappeared from sight.

Scowling at the empty chair, Roman took a bite of cake.

...it was _really_ good cake. That settled it—they had to keep Chaldea going until they summoned Gilgamesh. No other option! And then they'd bring cake to this king and his seventy-two demon gods, because no one could destroy a world with such wonderful things in it.

* * *

It was really weird to call it _routine_ , but they had a system going for saving the world. Find the Singularity, send Ritsuka and Mash in, support them until they return with the Grail, repeat. And yeah, he's terrified for their lives at least ten times a day when they're working, but they just keep doing better than he could ever have imagined. Humanity's last hope…how lucky were they that the best people possible were there to save it? If he could have picked anyone from the whole human race to take to Chaldea, to save the rest of it—he still would have picked Ritsuka and Mash.

 _ **kohelet2004:** You should've seen them take down that dragon Magi_☆ _Mari! Can you believe it? They'd never fought anything a few months ago and now they're taking down dragons! Not to mention the kind of Servants they're beating. And how many Rituska is recruiting!_

_**Magi☆Mari:** Romani~_

_**kohelet2004:** Masters usually have just one Servant, i told you that right? But she has so many and she cares about them all too! _

_**Magi☆Mari:** Romani☆_

_**kohelet2004:** And she's taught Mash so much about the world and being a good person!_

_**Magi☆Mari:** Romani!!_

_**kohelet2004:** I'm so happy that- what?_

_**Magi☆Mari:** Stop talking about work! Don't you have any hobbies~_

Roman glanced down at his Magi☆Mari mousepad, and socks, and the limited-edition statuette he sometimes brought into the command room when no one else was around.

_**kohelet2004:** Well, i'm a big Magi☆Mari fan ;)_

_**Magi☆Mari:** Me too! ;) Did you see her new video? It just came out five minutes ago☆_

_**kohelet2004:** what!!! brb :D_

Five minutes of visual and auditory bliss (and a quick visit to Wikipedia) later, Roman excitedly returned to his messages.

_**kohelet2004:** Magi☆Mari, it's amazing! And your new outfit is so cute! ^///^ The flowers really bring out your eyes! You picked those species b/c of flower language didn't you? I looked them up and they match the lyrics in the music video! _

Roman hit send before restarting the video again. Luckily no one else was in the control room to make fun of him, again, or lean on the back of his chair while he was distracted and make him spill coffee all over his lap. Again.

_**Magi☆Mari:** You found my secret message! :* _

And he was _really_ glad someone (Leonardo) wasn't there to see him giggle like a schoolgirl. A kiss emoji was a big step, okay?

Before he could come up with a smooth reply, she sent another message.

_**Magi☆Mari:** You're up chatting with me awfully late, aren't you? You won't be much use falling asleep during a mission~_

_**kohelet2004:** I just have a little more work to do! Then i'll sleep i promise!_

_**Magi☆Mari:** Are you the only person there or something?_

_**kohelet2004:** Right now yeah._

Roman hesitated. He'd never really talked about his actual position here, or about who he really was—he trusted her, of course, but even he knew enough not to talk about their trump card over the internet. Leonardo would kill him. But this much...he guess he could say.

_**kohelet2004:** I'm kind of in charge of everything here. So it's up to me to keep things running!_

_**Magi☆Mari:** And you're doing everything by yourself? That's not very smart, Doctor☆_

_**kohelet2004:** No! The rest of the staff is great. But they have to sleep._

_**Magi☆Mari:** So do you! Or you'll die and let everyone down♡ Haven't you heard of delegation?_

She helpfully sent him a Wikipedia link. Roman yawned—okay, he'd admit it, he was pretty tired. And Leonardo had told him to call her when he needed some rest.

_**kohelet2004:** Okay okay i'll go to bed_

_**Magi☆Mari:** Everybody needs a good night's sleep! And then you can dream of me~_

Roman smiled, helplessly, and imagined what that would be like.

_**kohelet2004:** Of course. :*_

And then he closed the browser before he could see if Magi☆Mari sent another kiss back because then he _definitely_ wouldn't be able to sleep.

...how'd she know how late it was, anyway? She must be really paying attention to him!

* * *

It was deathly silent in his dreams, tonight. It happened every so often: the same flames and destruction and gripping hands, but as silent as if he were watching it through a pane of glass. It was creepier than usual, actually. So Roman hummed to himself, Magi☆Mari's latest, perkiest song, to fill up the emptiness.

It wasn't too far from the music he used to like, really—songs about love and devotion, the swell of the melody giving voice to the emotions he could barely feel himself.

Sheesh, this was why he hated the quiet dreams. He just ended up thinking too much about his past instead of, you know, the future they had to save. All right, new song, louder this time! It was a few bars before he caught himself—it wasn't a Magi☆Mari song, but something much older. A silly children's song, one that his father once sang.

And that was the absolute last person Roman wanted to think about now!

"Hello," said Merlin, with a chipper wave.

He stood corrected.

"Go away," he said, and turned to walk towards the bridge.

Instead, Merlin fell into step next to him. "Interesting Servants you've been meeting. Collecting goddesses, are you?" Funny, he hadn't had anything at all to say when Ritsuka had summoned Artoria. Not that he wanted to open up that can of worms.

"Don't remind me," he groaned. "Atalante and Medusa have been hiding in Leonardo's workshop for days. Look, if you're here, could you at least get me some cake?"

"And Francis Drake," said Merlin, producing some cake from his cloak—aww, not that incredible cake from Gilgamesh. Roman took it anyway. "Such a spirited woman! I'll have to pay her a visit sometime."

"Crap. You're not going to show up in Chaldea, are you?" If Merlin was around all day _and_ all night, Leonardo's lab would need a bigger hiding place.

"Oh, no, that's impossible." Merlin swiped a bit of frosting, ignoring Romani's scowl. "I'm trapped in my tower, remember? And despite my legendary charm, none of my paramours have ridden in on a white horse to rescue me."

Good. And he was alive, so he couldn't be a Servant either. Ritsuka, he knew with a horrible certainty, would hit it off with Merlin.

"So." Merlin casually glanced over at him. "Solomon still getting up to some trouble, is he?"

Romani angrily ate another bite of cake. "That's not Solomon."

"It certainly looks like him," Merlin said, innocently.

"Well, it doesn't act like him!"

"Perhaps you're right," said Merlin. "If only there were someone else around who knew what Solomon was capable of! Perhaps...a family member? Oh, no, that would be too much to hope for. You couldn't dream of summoning someone like—"

"He barely knew Solomon," Roman snapped. "He said so himself. You were watching, weren't you?"

"Oh, I know he did. I suspect he's stretching the truth."

"You don't know him, Merlin."

"Neither did you, from what you told me." He never—ugh. Merlin was watching his conversations with Magi☆Mari, too. Of course he was. "Take it from an old kibitzer. He feels much more about his son that he'll admit. Why, the other night he was talking to Mash about—"

"Nuh-uh." Roman hurriedly swallowed his mouthful of cake. "Don't need your voyeur reports. Anyway, why don't _you_ talk to him? Or help at all, instead of making me wake up pissed off all the time—"

Merlin turned to look at a particularly ominous cloud, ghostly hands straining out of the haze. "Better than waking up screaming, isn't it?"

Roman glared at him. "I wouldn't go that far."

"Anyway, I _am_ helping, Romani. A little mana here, a little advice there, and Chaldea's running as smoothly as possible. Why, you should be thanking me!"

Leaning on the railing of the bridge, Roman gazed out across the river. "What do you care, anyway? You don't even like humans."

"It's simple," Merlin said. "I'd rather not spend eternity with only static to watch on the television."

"That's really all we are to you, huh." He knew that already, he shouldn't feel disappointed. But— "So why do you keep bugging me?"

Merlin looked at him, lips quirking into a smile. "Your story, Romani. I've never seen anything quite like it." He tapped a lazy rhythm on the railing, flowers blooming with each beat and twining down to Roman. "I watched Solomon during the Grail War—professional interest, you know. And he was an unmatchable Caster. But then—he wished to throw that all away. Not out of fear, or exhaustion, or love of some pretty thing. For a life that he did not understand, that could never match the one he'd given up." He closed his eyes, smile softening into something genuine. "And I was dreadfully curious to see what would happen."

...Merlin didn't understand, either. And Merlin…

Roman looked at the petals, wind sweeping them from the bridge to the vortex of fire in the sky. It was kind of beautiful, really.

Merlin wasn't just observing his story. He was here, annoying him and bringing him cake and drowning out the terrifying silence. Maybe even Merlin could feel more than he'd admit—

"Well! I have other dreams to feed on. Some very tasty fantasies in Chaldea." Merlin abruptly turned away, brushing crumbs off his robes. "A tip from a regular viewer—talk to your father. Family drama always brings in the ratings."

Even after Merlin disappeared, the flowers lingered. And, until he awoke, Roman watched them dance.

* * *

Bedivere was sobbing, raw and open, and Roman turned off the feed audio. It wasn't meant for him to see, it was too much, it was—

Roman hadn't cried when he thought Leonardo was dead, either, just worked even harder and let the old creeping numbness take over because there was no time to mourn. And then she was fine—of course she was, she's a genius—and there wasn't any need to.

But then Mash spoke the True Name of her Servant, stood tall as a Knight of the Round Table, and finally accepted the worth that Galahad saw in her as her life slipped away.

She was Mash, still, always—but knowing the Servant who had found her worthy, who had given her the Round Table itself, gave her the confidence she'd always deserved. Seeing her step forward to protect Ritsuka, voice nearly steady and clear enough to find the True Name of her Noble Phantasm—it was beautiful. And, seeing Mash beam at Ritsuka, knowing how close she was to achieving all she'd been fighting for…just for a moment, he'd thought that maybe all she'd been through was worth it.

And then he'd watched the spike in her heart rate, just a little too high, and remembered just how little time she had to enjoy it.

If he watched them now, he might give in and feel everything he'd been avoiding. Which he couldn't because Leonardo wasn't here and he really couldn't abandon them all, not when they were so close to retrieving the Grail and so close to finding the King of Mages—

So close to—

Taking another deep breath, Roman opened Magi☆Mari's website and composed a new message. She wasn't the most comforting of confidantes, he had to admit, but she always told him what he needed to hear.

_**kohelet2004:** Magi☆Mari? Can i talk to you?_

Her reply came quickly. Funny, how she was always right there when he needed her.

_**Magi☆Mari:** Of course! I might even listen☆_

_**kohelet2004:** You remember how i told you Mash is sick? Well, she's_

Brave, kind, come so far when she could've surrendered in the face of the painful half-life she was forced into—

_really bad now. Not sick, she was made to be that way. A test tube baby. Her body's going to shut down soon._

_**Magi☆Mari:** Oh no, that's terrible! I can do an exclusive hospital visit for you☆ _

Despite himself, Roman stifled a laugh. Yeah, if he wanted her to try out her new combat skills on him.

_**kohelet2004:** I think she'd just yell at me… _

_**kohelet2004:**_ _Anyway, she knows she doesn't have long. And she's not scared._

_**Magi☆Mari:** Are you?_

His hands looked so...normal on the keyboard, ring just barely visible beneath the fabric of his gloves.

_**kohelet2004:** yeah _

Taking a deep breath, he went on. It didn't matter if she would make fun of him, he just needed to...he just needed to talk to someone he trusted.

_**kohelet2004:** She should have her whole life ahead of her. She should be seeing the real world instead of fighting wherever history's been broken. It's not fair._

Magi☆Mari didn't reply for a long time—yeah, okay, he didn't usually get this serious, she was probably leaving her computer and talking to someone more entertaining—

_**Magi☆Mari:** That's life, Romani. _

_**kohelet2004:** Believe me, i know._ _But some people get second chances and some don't. And it doesn't matter how much they deserve them._

_**Magi☆Mari:** Let me tell you a secret~ _

Something in Roman's stomach flipped at the thought of what secrets she had, what she would tell him—

_**Magi☆Mari:** There's someone watching over her right now, and he's going to give her the happiest life he can. _

Oh.

Roman sniffled, loud in the quiet of the command room, and silently thanked the entire Chaldea staff when everyone pretended they couldn't hear it. His eyes drifted to the picture of Magi☆Mari at the top of the page—her cheesy smile, her shimmering hair cascading over her shoulders, her violet eyes winking at him.

And, on a whim, he sent another message.

 _ **kohelet2004:**_ _Do you have someone like that?_

Obviously an idol—an AI—didn't. Obviously she wouldn't tell him if she did. But—well, there was no AI as smart as Magi☆Mari was, was there?

And if it was someone else talking to him, all this time, obviously they wouldn't tell him either—

_**Magi☆Mari:** You don't want to hear that story. It doesn't have a very happy ending!_

Roman took a deep breath, heart suddenly pounding in his chest. And he thought of a tragic king sitting in the cafeteria, eating and laughing with her friends at her side.

_**kohelet2004:** Are you sure?_

_**Magi☆Mari:** Of course I am! An idol knows all, you know☆_

_**kohelet2004:** Maybe you should look closer. Doctor knows best☆ _

_**Magi☆Mari:** Shouldn't you get back to work before everyone dies?♡_

Roman smothered a laugh, suddenly filled with an inexplicable fondness for how transparent she was.

_**kohelet2004:** Talk to you later Magi☆Mari._

He hesitated, cursor ready over the Close icon, before sending one last message.

 _ **kohelet2004:**_ :*

* * *

"MERLIN." And because it was a dream, Roman punched him right in the face.

It wasn't very satisfying.

Merlin touched his cheek, eyebrows raised. "Nice to see you too, Romani—Gilgamesh sends his regards. You're weaker than Fou, by the way."

"I don't care, Merlin!"

"You're only human, remember?"

"I remember, Merlin!"

"Angry I didn't visit you first?" Merlin asked, infuriatingly calm. "You _did_ tell me to stay away from Chaldea. Or would you rather I take my _conjugal_ visits there—"

"What are you even doing in my dreams!"

"My mind needn't stay there 24/7. After all, the women of Babylonia must sleep, too." Before Roman could deck him again, he pulled out a leaf-wrapped bundle that made his mouth water. "Oh, don't sulk. I brought you butter cake."

"You don't need to go to Uruk to get dream butter cake!" ...okay, he wasn't about to _refuse_ butter cake. That didn't mean he was going to stop sulking, though.

This time Merlin set their course, Roman walking beside him. Unsurprisingly, Merlin knew Fuyuki almost as well as he did—the Fourth Holy Grail War must have been pretty riveting viewing, even if the winner wasn't a crowd-pleaser. "Ritsuka and Mash are rather agreeable, for humans. I think we'll get along fine! I only wish my embarrassing stories of you wouldn't give the game away." He knew it! He knew this would happen.

"You do remember _you're_ part human, right?" Roman asked, crossly. "Doesn't that 'humans are so boring and emotional' crap apply to you too?"

Merlin gave an elegant shrug. "Perhaps that side of me is boring, too. I don't fit in with humans—"

"That's because you're an asshole," Roman supplied.

"And I certainly don't fit in with demons. Do you have any idea how tedious it is to devote all one's time to feeding and to tempting humans just so you can feed even more? So I stand apart and watch, instead."

"And find someone else who doesn't quite fit in."

Not looking at him, Merlin murmured in agreement. "I suppose you know what it's like to watch, Acting Director."

"...did you have to put it like that?"

"Well, with all those wives, you must have—"

" _Merlin—_ "

And before he could stop that line of conversation, the scenery did it for him. Merlin knew where he was going, after all: the resting place of the Greater Grail. It was gone now, of course, but he could never forget the view. It was the first place he had seen fall to the end of humanity, as his sight had blurred into his last and most important premonition. It was the first sight Romani Archaman had ever seen, as he collapsed to his knees and sobbed in fear. And even as the transformation and the implications of his vision stole his breath, it was the first time he noticed the sky was so beautifully, simply blue.

Blinking back his memories, he looked at Merlin—who was watching him intently, an unreadable look on his face. "What?" He felt an incongruous blush rising on his cheeks.

"Was it really worth it, Romani?" Merlin asked, casually. "Becoming human?"

He didn't even have to think about it. "Of course it was."

"Why?" Merlin asked, and for once he knew Merlin wasn't just trying to get under his skin. "You're running, in your dreams and every waking moment. You've experienced all the pain of humanity and you're still trapped by your duty. Is eating cake and being insulted so worth it?"

Roman shook his head. "Well, if you weren't allergic to emotions I could tell you, but…" No. If he just _said_ it, it wouldn't sound like enough. Not if Merlin couldn't understand what it felt like… "Wait. Do you feel people's emotions when you're in their dreams?"

"...echoes of them," Merlin said. "Mostly irritation, for some reason." He half-smiled, then, but his face was tight. Merlin, Roman suddenly realized, was _scared._

"So listen to me," he said, gently.

He almost expected Merlin to refuse, to laugh it off and start talking about other, more salacious dreams. But instead, he nodded and merely said, "Feel away."

So he closed his eyes, and thought of everything that was important to Romani Archaman. He thought of watching Mash grow up, of how proud he was of her. He thought of Ritsuka's grin (cheerful even after everything she'd seen), of Leonardo making him tea and accepting him for all his painful secrets, of David catching his eye with that odd half-smile. He thought of the taste of Merlin's cake, of slacking off under a warm kotatsu, of telling Magi☆Mari all his hopes and fears and the simple joy he felt listening to her new songs. He thought of all his fear and cowardice and guilt and how it was nothing at all next to the _love_ he felt for everything he was lucky enough to experience.

Merlin said, very quietly, "Ah."

He wasn't sure which of them had reached out, but he could feel Merlin's hands, warm in his. And when he opened his eyes, Merlin's violet eyes were very close.

"Got it now?" Roman said, voice hoarse.

Merlin closed his eyes, shimmering eyelashes catching the crimson light of the sky. "It...you just feel like any other human."

"Yeah," said Roman, and smiled.

* * *

As Roman's eyes slipped closed, exhaustion finally overtaking him, one thought filled his mind: _I wish Magi☆Mari were here._ He hadn't been messaging her, now that Merlin was—while they were busy fighting Tiamat. There was so much work to be done, and they had so little time before 2019. He shouldn't even be sleeping, really—come to think of it, when had he even walked to his room…?

But when Roman opened his eyes, he saw—

A dressing room?

Not a ruined dressing room, covered in ash and the remnants of humanity, just...a dressing room.

He had to be dreaming. But the only person who could change his dreams, who _would_ change his dreams, was—

"Merlin?" he asked, cautiously.

"Not quite☆" said a cheerful voice. The doorway, Roman realized as he blinked awake (asleep?), was surrounded by pink silk flowers and Magi☆Mari paraphernalia. And, most importantly, Magi☆Mari herself was standing in it.

"M—Magi☆Mari?!" he squeaked.

"Nice to finally meet you, Romani Archaman." She stepped in, a light cloud of glitter falling from her hair. She was wearing his favorite outfit too, white capelet decorated with pastel ribbons and a poofy black skirt (and...he'd think about the implications of that later). "You're cuter in person!"

"Y-you too," he managed. "How are you—"

"I'm here to give you a private concert." She tilted her head, eyes softening for just a moment before she winked at him. "By special request."

Roman took a shaky breath, the butterflies in his stomach threatening to overwhelm him. There was only one person who could have granted that request. So Merlin was alive, and Magi☆Mari was standing in front of him, and…oh wow, she could perform his favorite song! She didn't sing it a lot, but something about the lyrics really spoke to him and hearing her sing it to him would be...wow.

"So, uh, should we head to the concert hall? So you have more room for your choreography, and…"

Magi☆Mari was giving him a Look. "Ro☆ _ma_ ☆ni," she said.

...oh. _Oh._ "N-not that kind of private concert?"

She giggled. "If you're good, you can make me sing."

Romani made a strangled noise.

With a laugh, she gripped him by his bare forearms—her hands were so _soft_ —and pushed him down onto the couch. It was way plusher than anything in Chaldea, which he immediately stopped caring about once Magi☆Mari sat in his lap. "So, Dr. kohelet2004, any special requests?"

Roman swallowed, tentatively wrapping his arms around her. "I—um—"

"And isn't that username a little on the nose?"

"Hey," he said. "Hey. Stop making fun of me!"

With a distracting bounce, she giggled. "Isn't that what you like about me, Romani?"

"N-no!" He buried his nose in her hair, iridescent in the dazzling light of the dressing room, and inhaled her sweet floral scent. "I don't like getting made fun of," he murmured into her ear.

"Of course you don't♡" She nuzzled his neck, breath warm against his pulse. "You've been waiting for this, haven't you?"

Roman's lips brushed her feathery earring. "Yeah." And it was weird, wasn't it, that Magi☆Mari was now the person who'd known him the longest. She'd—she'd been there, before the world was burning, before he was even—

His grip tightened on her slender hips, pulling her in closer against him.

With a giggle, she nipped at his earlobe. "Oh, you're so eager! It's been a while, huh?"

Roman laughed. "You could say that."

"But you know just how to make a girl feel special, Romani." She pulled away just enough to boop him on the nose with a perfectly-manicured finger. "I can tell. Even if you look like a virgin!"

"H-hey!" But he couldn't be mad, not with Magi☆Mari on his lap, skirt riding up, her thighs gripping him. No heirs to produce, no political concerns, just two people who wanted to be there. "Looks can be deceiving, you know."

"Oh, I don't know." She smiled, sweet and genuine. "You look like such a kind person."

It still made him blush whenever she gave him a real compliment. "Oh yeah? Well, you look like—" Her eyes, her beautiful violet eyes, were on his and his words caught in his throat. "A friend," was the only thing he could say.

"Is that all? That's kind of a backhanded compliment~" But there was something in her expression, like she couldn't keep from smiling.

" _And_ a best-selling idol, cute and sexy, th-that's a given!" She was really starting to distract him now, her hands all over his official Magi☆Mari t-shirt. "Watch it, that's limited edition!"

With a genuine laugh, she ripped it from his chest. "You're dreaming, idiot♡"

She pushed him down on the couch, straddling his hips, and Roman couldn't even bring himself to pout. "I know," he said, smiling up at her. "I know." And, hands straying up her skirt, he made sure to enjoy it.

* * *

One day. One day until 2019, and no one would ever get to see it if they didn't take down the King of Mages. Or his body, at least. Guess wishes always had a catch, huh?

But...Roman knew how to stop him. Finally, finally, he knew they could win. If they were lucky, Ritsuka and Mash would pull off something amazing like they always did. But if they didn’t? Then only one person wouldn't see 2019, and that was more than a fair trade. And Mash...Mash would live long enough to see the world she saved. And no matter how little time she had after that, he knew she'd be able to see the sky.

He _should_ be working out all the kinks of the Rayshift to the Temple of Time, but Leonardo had banned him from the control room and ordered him to get some rest. Again. There was no question she'd take to the role of Acting Director just fine. So he didn't have to worry about that, or what would come next—he just had to close his eyes and get some sleep.

It could be the last dream he ever had.

As Roman finally drifted off, he wished that Merlin hadn't already said goodbye.

Then he opened his eyes to the same dying sky, the blast from Ars Almadel Salomonis eradicating everything he held dear. And, heartbeat steady, Roman smiled at the end of everything.

It was the last time he'd have _this_ dream, one way or another.

And even without clairvoyance, he finally knew that everything was going to be okay.

"Romani," a familiar voice said, and Roman's breath caught in his throat.

He turned around, away from the fiery sky, to see the landscape erupt with flowers. Flowers blanketing the ground, the rubble, the buildings, flattening them all into an untamed meadow. Flowers smothering the smell of death and destruction with the smell of eternal life. Flowers blotting out the clouds of smoke and leaving only blue sky in their wake.

Flowers radiating out from Merlin, who was holding a hand out to Roman. "Your dreams are boring."

He walked towards Merlin, towards the beautiful prison tower sprouting from the flowers behind him, until he could reach out and take his hand. And when the glove dissolved from his hand, warm skin touching Merlin’s for the first time, there was no ring on his finger.

"Nice place you've got here," he said, stepping close enough to feel the warmth of Merlin's body.

"Seven hundred wives, three hundred concubines, and _that's_ your pick-up line?" Merlin took his other hand as the portrait of Avalon completed around them. "Besides, it's a nice place to visit, but…"

"I'll skip the tour," Roman said, and it was so natural to just step even closer and press his lips to Merlin's. He tasted of flowers—of _course_ he tasted of flowers—and his lips and his kiss and his smile were so, so warm.

"Well," Merlin said, voice catching as Romani nipped his lower lip, "at least you haven't forgotten how to do _that._ "

"Well, yeah," said Roman, pressing kisses over his jaw, his neck. "Not like I need any pick-up lines by now, anyway. You're pretty picked up—ah!!" Merlin's push sent him to the ground, flowers cushioning his fall. "Hey! You could've just _asked_ —"

"I could have," Merlin agreed, deftly climbing on top of Romani.

"You're the—" Roman broke off in a gasp as Merlin trailed a finger down his chest, clothes disappearing beneath it. "The worst. Hey, I wasn't wearing my Magi☆Mari boxers to bed—!"

"You're dreaming, idiot." Merlin traced around the star until Roman grabbed at his robes and pulled him down flush against him.

" _Merlin_ ," he whispered, and kissed him until Merlin's clothes melted away, until they stopped bickering and arguing and just touched one another like it was their last night on Earth.

Afterwards, Roman lay there, catching his breath. He'd never done this—just lay on the ground, breathing in the blue skies and the scent of flowers—not in any lifetime.

There was so much he hadn't done, still, he just needed more _time—_

Roman stared at the sky, an uninterrupted blue he hadn't seen for a decade, as Merlin's thumb brushed over his knuckles. Merlin was humming, quietly, the same song he'd wanted Magi☆Mari to sing.

He wanted more time.

"Will you tell them who you are?" Merlin's voice was soft, as relaxed as Roman felt.

"I...want to." He sighed, wishing the real world would stay out of his dream for just a little bit longer. "I know you're gonna say I shouldn't—"

"I think you should." Roman looked at Merlin in surprise, only to see a half-smile on his lips.

"Really?"

Merlin shrugged. "It's the end of the world, Romani. They'll know soon enough; surely they'd rather hear it from you. You well know it won't change their feelings now."

"...yeah. I know. But...I just want to be Romani for as long as I can."

Merlin was quiet for a long moment. "To everyone who knew you," he said, finally, "you will be. Always."

"Hey, Merlin?" Romani looked at him, really looked, memorizing his face like he had the sky. "Next time...come see me in person, okay? You know, so I can finally punch you."

Merlin laughed. "And embarrass yourself again?" he asked, and leaned over to kiss him. "Okay, Romani☆"

And when Romani woke up, still feeling the sensation of lips on his, he smiled.

Everything was going to be okay.

* * *

On New Year's Day, 2019, Merlin stepped into a dream.

A nightmare, one could call it. A cold and empty void surrounded him, the path he walked the only discernible feature left. Just rocky ground that might have come from any time period, supported any temple. No Servants, no Demon God Pillars, no humans. Only the path to a dreamer, and the interloper who walked on with flowers ever at his feet.

And then, finally, there was something else.

A shield, standing lonely and tall.

And past it, a throne. A throne that sat empty, a silent monument for the girl kneeling in front of it. A throne piled with stones left by dozens of dreamers mourning for a single, ordinary human.

There was nothing for him in this dream—only grief, heavy and oppressive, no fun at all. Humanity existed once more, perhaps he'd jaunt over to another area of the world, to dreamers who had never known—

"Merlin?" Mash had turned from the throne and spotted him without him even noticing. He really was out of sorts, wasn't he?

"Big brother Merlin, here again!" he said cheerily.

Mash frowned at him, and he was relieved to see her eyes were dry. "Senpai's been trying to summon you for weeks. When will you come to Chaldea?"

"Well," Merlin said, "I _do_ have other things to do than hang around for the daily grind, you know. After all, I've just begun to watch—"

"Da Vinci and I are researching how to get him back," Mash said, and Merlin's mouth snapped shut. "Mr. Holmes, too. And Senpai and David are brainstorming. We could use your help."

Merlin looked at her, so far from the delicate girl kohelet2004 had first told Magi☆Mari about. He really had done well by her. "Is one miracle not enough?" he asked, softly.

"Senpai took this," she said, and opened her hand. There, in her palm, lay a golden ring. More solid than the path, the throne—a ring pitted with thousands of years of imperfections, the kind that one could only dream after seeing them in life.

A ring, taken from the throne before it disappeared. A catalyst.

"And this." She pulled something from her pocket—

A Magi☆Mari glowstick. A catalyst for Romani Archaman.

He wanted to laugh, but the sound caught in his throat.

"So." Mash took a deep breath, then, and looked up at him. "Will you help us find him?"

"He's erased from the Throne. It's impossible."

"I know." But she was smiling, now—the determined smile he'd seen on Galahad, on Artoria, on Romani. "We're going to try anyway."

Merlin looked at the throne once more, at the memorial of a man who had done so much less and so much more than King Solomon. "Well. If Ritsuka's been saving her Saint Quartz...I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you," she said, and Merlin had to look away at the sheer sincerity of it. He could hear her trembling breath, and he knew her tears were finally threatening to fall. "And Merlin? I love him too."

With effort, he swallowed back every reflexive answer he wanted to give. "Haven't you been listening? I can't have emotions."

"I know," Mash said, the smile on her face far too gentle. "It's impossible."

And as Mash strode back towards Chaldea, as strong and determined as the knight he'd once known, their shield returned to her grip as easily as if they’d never been apart. One memorial, down from two...zero didn't seem quite so complicated.

The dream fading around him as Mash awoke, Merlin stepped up to the throne. He reached into his pocket, fingers closing around the stone he'd held as he fell asleep.

Mm, no. He didn't feel like mourning just yet. With an empty hand, he touched the throne. "Sweet dreams, Romani Archaman. I'll see you soon."

Enough dreaming. There was work to be done.


End file.
